Sometimes they wont accept your help .  I have been to 2  funerals in a very poor tambon near sisaket and tried to contribute but was refused.

BS grandma and a neighbours 4 yr old son.

Most i was allowed to give to grandfather was 1000 baht after the ceremony was over and she was cremated.  My BS also insisted i did this privately and not at the marquee where other villagers/friends gave small donations to grandad of what they could afford.

The 3 day party put on afterwards was phenomonal and must have cost a fortune but i was not asked to contribute in any way.( I was asked to marry many drunken women though lol ).

I probably indirectly paid for a lot of it before and afterwards without knowing or meaning to but BS kept his face by not asking directly. he was the main landowner in the area and employed most of the neighbours as pickers etc so he was seen to be doing his duty and i sat around with uncle and the kids while he went about doing it.

Whhile BS and I where staying in his village recently a middle aged man died from sickness. The family was very poor, but the whole village chipped in with gifts of food, money etc. There was a very simple ceremony that evening, followed by the cremation the next day. The whole village was fed before the service, but the cost was kept way down by gifts of rice, etc. Just a few monks, cost around 5K Baht.
I was not asked to contribute directly, but BS did.