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Henry Cate wrote:

The sky which rained for 24 hours before my boyfriend's father's funeral in Mae Salong:

My condolences Henry.  I'm sure you are in a state of deep shock, I know Thai BF family traumas always have a devastating effect on Farang wallets. I symathise deeply from experience and hope it wasn't too painful (used to know one boy who's grandmother died everytime the rent was due.....   )

Nice Photo of Mae Salong, I'm up there often; a very beautiful part of Northern Thailand.  It has an interesting History: basically an outpost of China in Thailand with Chinese architecture and language.  It was formed by a renagade division of the KMT http://www.shanland.org/general/NinP/The-Kuomintang and subsequently played a prominent part in the history of the Golden Triangle and the opium trade.  Its now famous for its tea.

See also:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santikhiri
http://www.chiangmai-chiangrai.com/ancestors_museum_doi_mae_salong.html

If you are visiting Chiang Mai its well worth the trip, especially in the cool season when the cherry trees are in blossom.  As Henry points out, its rather wet this time of year.

homintern wrote:

Diec wrote:

Homintern, I normally enjoy your posts but I think this one went just a little too far.

I am of the view that one can never go too far; there is nothing that is not intrinisically amusing or ridiculous one way or another

Once again Homi is correct and talking over our heads.  Homi you should pay me to translate for you.  What Homi is talking about is known as  schadenfreude or the Greek epikhairekakos.  Many cultures have this term and it is more common in males then females and often associated with low self esteem.  However, other studies not in the reference below suggest that it may just be normal human characteristic, very prevalent in some cultures and less in others.  The people of the Melanesians islands, for example, display schadenfreude to a far greater degree then other cultures.  By the way Homi, you spelled intrinsically wrong.  Shame on you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude

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homintern wrote:

" ... I'll have to demand a refund from [i]Elephantspike - that spell-checker thingy isn't working ... or did I forget to spell-check?... [/i]"

The SpellingCow thingy works perfectly. You just forgot/didn't-bother to use it.  How's that for sloppy thinking?

Cheers ...

catawampuscat wrote:

It is difficult to image that the demise of a boy's step-father is the worst event or time of anyone life.
of course, chao na lacks finesse but snaps us back to reality.
Every day, step- parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents meet their end at ages much earlier than average in
the West due to a lack of access to first rate medical treatment, dangerous living conditions including several
people on one motorbike, counterfeit phony medicines, tobacco and alcohol abuse and the list goes on and on..

When a farang's boyfriend dies, it is easily understandable how crushing this might be but non blood related relatives
don't evoke the same feelings and emotions.

I know of several boys with several mothers and several fathers as both birth parents marry again and again.  I couldn't
keep track of the deaths of my regular's mothers as I knew his birth mother had died years ago and his second mother who
raised him died and then young mother committed suicide with the ingestion of hair dye.
He has a birth father, and another step-father who married his second mother and on it goes.
I knew the young mother who killed herself and while it was sad that such a young woman met such an early end, it was
just part of the scheme of things and the Thais don't seem to have a problem accepting death while some of us farangs
don't understand the Buddhist concepts and accept what happens..

I don't seek to excuse the tacky remarks of chao na but really, a step-father alcohol abuser doesn't quite rank with the
death of a beloved boyfriend/partner and while it may sound cold-hearted, it does seem over-dramatic to report it as the
worst event in ones life and somehow Henry is able to still keep on posting after all.  Let us try to not be overly politically correct
and accept the realities of life and death in a third world country...

Well, I actually wrote "the three roughest days of my life" -- and that probably should have been "three rough days."

I was not heartbroken over the death of this man.  I don't think my boyfriend was, either.  It was one of those Thai puzzles playing out in an Akha village.

Point one is that my boyfriend had such an awful childhood that he prefers not to discuss it or think about it; it just puts him in a rotten mood.  One of the main actors in that rotten childhood was his step-father, who always made my boyfriend work harder, with no thanks at all, because he was someone else's child.  This is an old, old story.

And then there is the usual Thai twist.  We farang would never think of this: "but he raised me."  Yes, for many long years this pathetic man raised my boyfriend, and therefore there is the usual Infinite Obligation.  (I believe that most Americans simply think it "natural" for parents to raise children, without any thought of reciprocal obligation. "Raise the little chick and then set it free!")

They were three rough days because they were very tiring.  I had just been celebrating my birthday, and was awakened quite early (and hung over) -- and then I had to drive most of the way to Mae Salong, with him and (alas) with his older brother, OB's wife, and OB's 4yo boy.  Every time I meet OB I dislike him more; he strikes me as a smug parasite (mostly off of his wife).  His wife is actually quite attractive and the little boy is cute enough -- but he dumped that little boy on me in Chiang Rai ("free babysitter!!!") and took off for over an hour, leaving me holding the hand of a tiny 4yo boy I had never met before.  It was OK -- except that he had told me it would be for ten minutes.  It was well over an hour.  Later, he tried it again, but this time I said, "Whoops!  You forgot your child!!

When we got to Mae Salong, I checked into a hotel immediately and had a long, long rest.  The next day I managed to poison myself -- I am lactose intolerant -- by eating some delicious "cream cake."  I mistakenly thought that the cream must be the usual fake, and so I got genuinely ill and missed the second day of the funeral.

My boyfriend was getting more and more exhausted because the funeral party went on until 5 AM every day, with lots of noise, and he couldn't sleep.  He got so tired that I had to drive all the way home -- and I was still a bit sick and quite tired.  By the time we got back home to Chiang Mai, both of us had just the one idea: hit the hay.

Oh, I slept well that night!  Maybe not exactly the three roughest days in my life, but surely not three days from my normal, pleasant life in Chiang Mai.  The boyfriend thought the same thing!

The good side is this: my boyfriend did the right thing, as usual.  He went and buried his step-father.  He may have been a bad step-father, but at least he raised my boyfriend -- a lot more than can be said for his "real" Chinese father.  And I think I did the right thing, by giving him the help and support he so badly needed.

I also noticed that my boyfriend's maternal uncle is a lush.  I would guess that he and the Wicked Step-father spent many an evening fortifying their souls with white lightning.

An observation: in that crowd, my boyfriend stood out like a beautiful lotus flower emerging from a dank swamp.

my condolences but I'm a firm believer in an afterlife and believe he's gone to a nice level..after having so many friends die over the years I find it's more about me and my disappointment at not seeing them again-for the deceased I feel they have just moved on to a higher realm.

Lovely photo cnx4shan-beautiful piece of countryside !

Lunchtime O'Booze wrote:

my condolences but I'm a firm believer in an afterlife and believe he's gone to a nice level..after having so many friends die over the years I find it's more about me and my disappointment at not seeing them again-for the deceased I feel they have just moved on to a higher realm.

Lovely photo cnx4shan-beautiful piece of countryside !

That photo was taken by me, sir!   :-)  Not Mr. cnxforshan....

Also, somewhat incredibly, it was taken with my telephone.  Not "Photo by Nikon," but "Photo by Nokia."

I do apologise most sincerely !!!

and taken on your cell phone ?..amazing !

Thanks for the clarification Henry and your thread now makes much more sense to me..
The thread caused to me to recollect about my own regular boy's 3 mothers and I now think the second
mother who raised him is still alive and it is her  second husband who is the second father.  
His  birth father is alive and okay and he will no doubt find another woman to become my regulars
fourth mother and so it goes.  Many Thai men have more than one wife at a time and you sometimes hear the words
mia noi, which loosely translates to minor wife.. Many also have regular girlfriends called gits (at least that what it sounds like to me).

Henry is astute is his observations and is generous to share his experiences and feelings with all of us.
Funerals are always difficult and as Thai funerals are a 3 day affair, they can be exhausting.

I don't believe Henry was looking for condolences from us but it is a knee jerk reaction for many posters and very polite,
especially when dealing with sensitive topics.. I also appreciate Henry's reaction to my posting,which easily could have been combative
and nasty, instead he choose to clarify and inform..  I am impressed and glad to have Henry on board to counterbalance some
of those who choose the low road instead of the high road...

Scott123 wrote:

I just wonder what would your bf's reaction be when your mom/dad dies?  or even when you die?  

My parents are dead.  I will be dead someday, too.

Who cares???

Henry Cate wrote:

Scott123 wrote:

I just wonder what would your bf's reaction be when your mom/dad dies?  or even when you die?  

My parents are dead.  I will be dead someday, too.

Who cares???

we do..we'll all be celebrating !! ( it's what you would want isn't it ?..after all an Irish wake isn't too different to a Thai funeral..except perhaps a bit more booze is consumed. Which reminds me-do make provision in your will for all the Pattaya crew to have a party)

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Quote:

And your bf probably doesn't care much either.  

You must be some sort of Divine Entity, to read the thoughts of people you don't even know.  :-)  I mean, you "probably" know your own thoughts, but to know the thoughts of perfect strangers is a Miraculous Gift!!   :-0

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