A teacher at St. Paul's school in the Bronx wrote an essay compiled from lines in student papers compiled by history and English teachers from around the world. Almost as funny as some of the things one reads here.
The History of the World:
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brothers birthmark. One of Jacopb's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies, They traveled by Camelot. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread; which is bread made without any ingredients. David was a Hebrew king who fought the philatelists. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
The Greeks invented three kind of columns: Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. The mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Styx until he became intolerable. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits and threw the java; the reward to the victor was a coral reef. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who died from an overdose of wedlock.
Eventually the Ramones conquered the Greeks. Nero was a cruel tyrant who tortured his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them.
In the middle ages, King Harod mustarded his troops before the battle Hastings. Joan of Arc was cononized by George Bernad Shaw. The Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense. William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
In the Renaissance, Martin Luther King was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papaya indulgence; he died a horrible death; being excommunicated by a bull. The painter, Donatello's, interest in the female nude made him the father of the Renaissance. Gutenberg invented the Bible, Sir Walter Raleigh invented cigarettes and Sir Francis Drake circumcised the globe with a 100-foot clipper.
Queen Elizabeth's navy defeated the Spanish Armadillo; William Shakespeare wrote about Romeo and Juliet: a romantic couplet; Miguel Cervantes wrote "Donkey Hote;" John Milton wrote "Paradise Lost," then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained."
Christoph Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing the Atlantic. His ships were the El Niño, La Piñata and the Santa Fe.
One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was that the English put tacks in the tea. Benjamin Franklin invented electricity by rubbing cats backward; he died in 1790 and is still dead.
Abraham Lincoln's mother died in infancy. He signed the Emasculation Proclamation. In 1865 Lincoln got shot by an actor in a moving picture; his name was John Wilkes Booth--This ruined Booth's career.
Gravity was invented bu Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in Autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
Bach and Handel were famous composers. Handel was half German, Half-Italian and half-English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Beethoven was so deaf that he wrote loud music; he expired in 1827 and later died from this.
Samuel Morse invented a code for telepathy; Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis; Madman Curie discovered radium and Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
PS
Yumsuey; many Thai boys know how to use ATM's--But many others will not need to learn until they are past their 'shelf-life.' Until then there will always be someone willing to do it for them.
Edited by: Edith at: 6/11/05 7:05 am